Letter to My Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm giving you this letter to read because the words come out easier. I've been struggling with myself and who I really am for some time now. I want to share with you what I've come to accept about me. I am gay. Since admitting this to myself, I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted and even my depression has decreased. I love you both and wanted to be able to share this with you. I know it's not an ideal situation but I feel like I need to live my life as honestly as I can. In order to do this, I can not hide anymore. For too many years I have denied myself who I am and I won't do it any longer. You have both said that you want your children to be happy and for the first time, in a very long time, I am happy. I feel comfortable in my skin and like myself again. I am still the daughter you've raised into a woman and this doesn't change who I am in my heart. My wish is that you'll accept me no matter who I love, after all I've learned from the best example.

Pride

This past weekend Asbury Park hosted Jersey Gay Pride Weekend. I went to the festival on Sunday, with my sister, B. It was amazing to see all the proud LGBT's out there and the people that support them (like my sister). I felt at home there, among these wonderful souls.

I remember growing up and thinking about what that might make people think that I was a lesbian. Like my hair, when it was short, I wondered if people were like "Ohhh, she's gay." Truth is, I look really good with short hair. I've worn it like Demi Moore a la Ghost, Anne Heche (is that a faux pas?) from Psycho, the pixie cut. You get what I'm talking about.

I remember wearing a ring my Aunt had given me on my thumb because it was the only finger it fit on, and my Grandma telling me that wearing it there meant I was gay. I still wear it. In fact I have several thumb rings.



Whenever I met someone gay I wanted to ask them if they could tell if I was. I was still questioning things and just wanted an answer. Couldn't someone make up a test? There had to be a sign out there, somewhere. In the end though it was just me, admitting to myself that it didn't matter who I was attracted to as long as I was happy and living the life that I wanted to live.



What she said.



When did you know you were gay? I call it my "A-Ha" moment, yeah I stole that from Oprah. I can think of a thousand times where I checked out other girls or wondered what it would be like to kiss them. Now I'm just waiting for the opportunity. It was nice to see all the couples holding hands and I wanted to be a part of that. Maybe next year.



Mother, I have something to tell you…I’m a homosexual

I saws my therapist, D, on Thursday. She thinks I need to come out to my parents soon. I agree with this. I'm so afraid that they may find out from someone else and I don't want that to happen. I want to control when it happens. I want to own it. It's the last hurdle.

I am a Phoenix...

Could you be upset w/me while I'm holding this?

Now that my nephew is born (5/29/11) I also want to be holding him when I tell them. I was thinking of making him a onesie that says "My Aunt isn't a lesbian, but her girlfriend is." That's another thing, is the term "gay" usually used just for men? It could just be me but "lesbian" is quite the mouthful (twss). I much prefer to say that I'm gay.







Gratuitious Pin-Up Girl Pic

Ok, scenario: I tell my parents. Do they sweep it under the rug? Hopefully not. With any luck, they say "Whatever, you're still our daughter and we love you no matter what. Now put the baby down."

My Dad is kind of matter-of-fact like that. Mom, well I'm sure there'll be tears but not because she's disappointed. I think she'll be upset because she'll think of any prejudices I may come up against. At least this is what I tell myself.