In the moment...

Most stories start at the beginning, a few at the end. I'm starting mine in the moment. I came out on 5/11/11. I was the first person I admitted it to. I'm in therapy and was planning on "exploring" it there. Why bother? I realized that I needed to admit it to myself, not try and figure out if it was true. So I did. I was on my way home from Wendy's w/a grilled chicken to go wrap (delicious, btw) when I accepted it. The wait for my sister's to get home was excruciating and I finally just blurted out in a way only I could.

"I'm gay!" I say during a commercial.

"Ok," my oldest sister says.

They already knew (for like 5 days) that I was questioning my sexuality so it wasn't totally coming out of nowhere. The three of us - we live together - had a chat about it and that was it.

Friday, I told my brother and sister-in-law. I knew they'd be okay w/it, they have gay friends but still, its nerve wracking and she has a baby on the way. He said it was anti-climatic and asked if she "was hot?" Then he said he wanted to be there when I told our parents.

That's when I realize how amazing my siblings are. They don't give a fuck who I may be attracted to, as long as I'm happy and whoever I am with treats me well.

Saturday I tell my best friend. I'm really nervous. What if she doesn't want to be my friend? What if she thinks our whole relationship is a lie? And I could understand that. I mean, I was lying to myself so of course I was lying to her.

She's cool with it. She's my best friend, my rock. I'm not sure how I functioned before she came into my life.

Now that the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders, I embrace it.

I can breathe

I can think.

I'm freer than I've ever been. I want to own this so badly. I am SuperGay!

I embrace it like my life depends on it and I guess it does. Everyone should know - except my parents - and  I tweet it. My friends there are accepting and supportive, for the most part.

I'm going to live my life. The way I want. For the first time in years, I want to go out and meet people.

I can't help but think that this has been the root to most of my troubles. Since I wasn't accepting myself and the truth, I was hiding. I'm hoping things will get better.

I'll let you know.

I can be me.